i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize