Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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