Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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