12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
