why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
