im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
