y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
