She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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