awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
