your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
someone threw a dead crab at me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
