While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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