I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
