I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
