LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
