I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
