My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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