i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
