Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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