Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize