pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
