why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
