dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
