Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
