He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
