I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
