Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
