matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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