Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
