Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
