I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
