I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
