So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up backwards on a recliner
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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