Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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