Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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