You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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