Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
