he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
