Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
