Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
