why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
