Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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