I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize