Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
