New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
