so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
