I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Too much gin, very little bucket
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm really busy with my period
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