I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
