Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the day after is always just damage control
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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