I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
