Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
