My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
