how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
