He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize