I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
