That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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