you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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