The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
