I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
