Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
