She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
