What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
