so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
