I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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