I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
